Taming Twins: The Top 12 Things People Say To Us

Sometimes I feel like a celebrity.  Whenever we go out to a store we invariably meet people who are interested in the boys.  It’s great, but at the same time it makes a task like grocery shopping take so much longer when you have to stop ten times to chat with people.  It’s interesting because people tend to ask the same questions. Now I know they mean well, but when you hear the same questions over and over, they start to get a little, well, old.  Here are the most common questions that we hear.

1. Are they twins? Are you serious?  I think people say this because they don’t know what else to say.  They are almost the same size, so I don’t think they could not be twins.
2. Oh my gosh, there are two of them.  I didn’t see the second one! Yup. Two. Here they are.
3. Are they both boys? For crying out loud people! Really? We don’t dress them in pink or put ribbons in their hair.  They have green car seats and a red stroller.  They don’t wear skirts or dresses. Of course they are boys!
4. Twice as nice / Double Trouble / Two for One Sale! Yes.  Twice as much cuteness.  Double adorableness.  Two bundles for the price of one! Also Twice as much spit up, double the diapers, and a two for one sale on fussiness, screaming, and sleep interruptions. Sometimes they’re exponentially as “nice”.  Everything requires more planning and lots of team work. We love the boys to death and would never wish for anything different, but that doesn’t change the amount of work they take.
5. I [was | knew someone who was | met someone once who was/had] a [twin | twins]. Congratulations, do you want a prize? These people tend to take the most time to talk to and provide the most unsolicited feedback.  They tell us all about whoever they know or know of and what their twins are like.  Fantastic.  But not while I’m trying to grocery shop.
6. I wish I had twins. You might want to think about that for a minute. They take a lot of work. Sometimes it takes three parents to get stuff done.  Free time? What’s that? Your life is babies now!
7. Boys? Wow, you’re going to be busy! I understand where they are going with it – boys are active, chase each other around and such, but I don’t know it it would be any less busy with girls.  Girls are quite high maintenance as well.
8. Are ya gettin’ any sleep? <Cackle> Do I LOOK like I’m getting any sleep?! I certainly am not while I’m talking to you about it!
9. You’re going to have to get a mini van now! If one more person… Never mind, I won’t kill anyone. But sometimes I want to.
10. Were they preemies? Not all twins are premies people! Yes they were smaller, but you take an 8 lb baby and split them in half!
11. Oh my gosh, I thought they were dolls. Yup we just bring dolls around with us.  We put them in a car seat, feed them, change them, and then bring them to the supermarket so that you will talk to us.  Yup, that’s what we do.
12. Instant Family! Just add water. Unless you’re the Duggers.  Then you need a few more packs.

So what have we learned from all of these encounters?

1. Don’t make eye contact in public, especially with older women.
2. Don’t go to Market Basket. Hell, stay out of Somersworth in general.
3. People are nuts.  They will stand in front of you, talk to you forever, and even stop you in the pouring rain to ooh and ahh you.
4. Lots of people don’t talk to you, they just whisper about you as they pass by as if you can’t hear them.  We’re not deaf and we see you pointing.
5. Nobody cares about single babies.  Go into stealth mode by each taking a baby and going to separate sides of the store.  Then you fly right under their radar.
6. Apparently everyone has twins.  We’ve met more twin parents than we can count.  They always have great comments like “Don’t worry, it gets better… Somewhere around 5 years or so”.