Taming Twins: Adventures in Mommy Mode

Adam has reached the stage that many children reach somewhere between six months and a year: Mommy mode. While in Mommy mode, the rules are simple and as follows:

1. Be attached to Mommy at all times.
2. If Mommy detaches, cry.
3. If Mommy vacates the area, cry, crawl towards her. If there is an obstacle, such as a gate, in between you and Mommy, latch onto it with both hands, shake it, and screech at the top of your lungs.
4. If Daddy tries to distract you by saying your name, simply pause, flash an ugly look in his direction, and return to steps 1, 2, and 3.
5. If Daddy picks you up and successfully distracts you to the point that you are playing peacefully, keep an eye out for Mommy. If she appears, return to step 3.
6. When Mommy comes back, act really, really sad. Put on your saddest face. She might feel bad and cuddle with you.
7. If Mommy does cuddle with you, immediately do the following:
1. Blow your nose all over her.
2. Pull her hair.
3. Hit her in the face.
4. Cry. Cry like Mommy is gone, even though she is there. Cry like you can’t find your favorite. Cry like it’s your birthday.
8. If another baby, such as your brother Zach, decides that he needs time with Mommy tell him ‘No’. Can’t talk? Smack him in the face.